http://www.globalpost.com/dispatches/news/regions/americas/united-states/senator-says-life-begins-at-ejaculation
Arizona and Oklahoma are in a race to see who can be the most crazy. I don't think AZ has a chance, but there is still some humor left in the state.
And we have Sen. Ralph Shortey as a contender for the Kern Prize, too. He introduced legislation to prevent us from eating unborn babies in processed food after reading about it on the internets. He introduced a bill to bar the children of illegal immigrants "Oklahoma citizenship" whatever that is. And he wants to prevent SCOTUS from ruling on any laws passed in Oklahoma, too.
http://www.dallasvoice.com/loonier-legislator-kern-10100081.html (http://www.dallasvoice.com/loonier-legislator-kern-10100081.html)
http://www.therightsphere.com/2012/01/oklahoma-legislator-introduces-bill-forbidding-scotus-from-reviewing-state-laws/ (http://www.therightsphere.com/2012/01/oklahoma-legislator-introduces-bill-forbidding-scotus-from-reviewing-state-laws/)
Quote from: Ed W on February 11, 2012, 12:28:41 PM
And we have Sen. Ralph Shortey as a contender for the Kern Prize, too. He introduced legislation to prevent us from eating unborn babies in processed food after reading about it on the internets. He introduced a bill to bar the children of illegal immigrants "Oklahoma citizenship" whatever that is. And he wants to prevent SCOTUS from ruling on any laws passed in Oklahoma, too.
http://www.dallasvoice.com/loonier-legislator-kern-10100081.html (http://www.dallasvoice.com/loonier-legislator-kern-10100081.html)
http://www.therightsphere.com/2012/01/oklahoma-legislator-introduces-bill-forbidding-scotus-from-reviewing-state-laws/ (http://www.therightsphere.com/2012/01/oklahoma-legislator-introduces-bill-forbidding-scotus-from-reviewing-state-laws/)
Wow. And people here wonder why Oklahoma is made fun of...
That huge sucking noise is the space in between both of those legislators ears sucking the oxygen out of the room...
You gotta watch out for those pockets of vacuum (http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=41446).
(http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7182/6859005321_11950e6015.jpg)
What he said!
Sacred sperm....ha!
QuoteIm gonna get a microscope and sift through all the cells that would be republicans and stomp them...the rest I'll freeze for later.
All those lives lost to wash cloths, paper towels, bathrobes, and bedroom curtains! :o
Quote from: Conan71 on February 13, 2012, 12:58:46 AM
All those lives lost to wash cloths, paper towels, bathrobes, and bedroom curtains! :o
Or, as Peter Griffin calls them -- 'fist babies'.
Quote from: Teatownclown on February 12, 2012, 02:37:28 PM
Sacred sperm....ha!
Sadly, a large percentage of those contacting her with their support don't understand satire - they think she is serious.
The Bible says that it is better to place one's seed in the belly of a harlot than to lose spill it on the ground. (This is Newt's motivation, I'm sure.)
Quote from: Conan71 on February 13, 2012, 12:58:46 AM
All those lives lost to wash cloths, paper towels, bathrobes, and bedroom curtains! :o
Don't forget hotel bedspreads.
Quote from: Gaspar on February 13, 2012, 11:16:32 AM
Don't forget hotel bedspreads.
First thing to hit the floor when I check in. Ghack!
I'd never thought of that until I was watching one of the crime investigation shows on A & E or Discovery and they were talking about it was hard to link DNA to the killing they were investigating because there was something close to 150 different distinct samples on the bedspread!
Quote from: Conan71 on February 13, 2012, 11:37:41 AM
First thing to hit the floor when I check in. Ghack!
I'd never thought of that until I was watching one of the crime investigation shows on A & E or Discovery and they were talking about it was hard to link DNA to the killing they were investigating because there was something close to 150 different distinct samples on the bedspread!
They should replace the light bulbs in hotel rooms with black lights. You could probably still read a book from the reflected illumination!
They should also introduce a bill to create a law that forbids the killing or destruction of any human life.
For example...
Next time someone goes the the dentist and has a molar removed, they and the dentist should be thrown in prison.
A molar is more fully human than say a blastocyst composed of only a few cells. I still have my molars and I wouldn't go against what is natural, what God put there and intended, and go to some doctor and have some ghastly, bloody procedure to rip out and kill human life. A human molar isn't dog life, or cat life, it's human life and shouldn't be killed.
I am anti-abortion. But my first thought as a Christian is to work to create a world in which a woman wouldn't want, nor be put in the position to want, to have an abortion. We are taught to pray " thy Kindom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." and are taught that in heaven the laws are not written in books or scrolls but "on the hearts and minds of men". I don't try to do the right thing, or anything for that matter, because there is or is not a law telling me what I can or can not do. Sure having a moral code and set of guidelines can help guide me in my descisions, but ultimately we all pretty much do what we feel we want and think is right for us to do.
There is an old saying that goes something like this... There are thousands of people trying to pluck at the leaves of the tree of evil, and far too few hacking away at its roots. Whenever I think about even seemingly very disparate things like, child abuse, drug abuse, poor health habits, divorce, crime in general, abortion, etc. etc. I always seem to end up at the same singular place, back at the same small set of "root" causes. We seem to have all these people putting so much effort into making this or that "leaf" illegal, but too few working on the root causes, which if you were to work on those, would eliminate a myriad of "sins". Again I am reminded of "on earth as it is in heaven", lets make a world where people do the right thing because its written in their hearts and minds to do so. Putting our efforts into making, passing, enforcing, etc. this or that law just seems to be a distraction from the Good Works and the Good News.
When I see Oklahoma legislation I think of "Blazing Saddles"- Mel Brooks, the governor, in some agitation, "Gentlemen! We need to do something fast to save our Phoney Baloney jobs!"
Quote from: AquaMan on February 13, 2012, 12:43:26 PM
When I see Oklahoma legislation I think of "Blazing Saddles"- Mel Brooks, the governor, in some agitation, "Gentlemen! We need to do something fast to save our Phoney Baloney jobs!"
Probably more truth than comedy in that classic.
Quote from: TheArtist on February 13, 2012, 12:35:09 PM
They should also introduce a bill to create a law that forbids the killing or destruction of any human life.
For example...
Next time someone goes the the dentist and has a molar removed, they and the dentist should be thrown in prison.
A molar is more fully human than say a blastocyst composed of only a few cells. I still have my molars and I wouldn't go against what is natural, what God put there and intended, and go to some doctor and have some ghastly, bloody procedure to rip out and kill human life. A human molar isn't dog life, or cat life, it's human life and shouldn't be killed.
In order to explain your point to our esteemed legislature you'd need to replace the big word "molar" with the more easily understood "chewin' tooth".
Quote from: Townsend on February 13, 2012, 01:58:59 PM
In order to explain your point to our esteemed legislature you'd need to replace the big word "molar" with the more easily understood "chewin' tooth".
or "chomper" as in: "my tooth hurts!", "is it yer biter or yer chomper?"
Quote from: Gaspar on February 13, 2012, 11:16:32 AM
Don't forget hotel bedspreads.
Obviously you don't travel much... bedspreads in hotels/motels are never washed.
Quote from: heironymouspasparagus on February 13, 2012, 05:26:12 PM
Obviously you don't travel much... bedspreads in hotels/motels are never washed.
Try again.
Re-read.
Quote from: AquaMan on February 13, 2012, 12:43:26 PM
When I see Oklahoma legislation I think of "Blazing Saddles"- Mel Brooks, the governor, in some agitation, "Gentlemen! We need to do something fast to save our Phoney Baloney jobs!"
I didn't hear a Harumph from him. You watch your a$$ !
Quote from: DolfanBob on February 14, 2012, 09:17:51 AM
I didn't hear a Harumph from him. You watch your a$$ !
Awesome!
Never let facts get in the way of a good story:
The federal Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) has decided against a group of PepsiCo shareholders in their efforts to stop the company from contracting with a firm that uses cells from aborted babies in producing artificial flavor enhancers.
http://www.thenewamerican.com/culture/family/11116-sec-rules-for-pepsicos-use-of-aborted-fetal-cells (http://www.thenewamerican.com/culture/family/11116-sec-rules-for-pepsicos-use-of-aborted-fetal-cells)
First, when did the Securities and Exchange Commission replace the FDA? Maybe Ralph Shortey is onto something. Or maybe Ralph is just on something.
The New American could be a prime information source for the black-helicopters-and-tin-foil-hats set. I was hesitant about posting the link because I was burned after writing a piece critical of the late Jon Swift's page about bicycling, only to find out that it was some of the best satire...ever. It was the first time I'd encountered Poe's Law.
Because Oklahoma lawmakers don't have anything better to do.... ::)
http://www.kjrh.com/dpp/news/local_news/okla-house-of-representatives-passes-in-god-we-trust-to-senate
QuoteBecause Oklahoma lawmakers don't have anything better to do....
http://www.kjrh.com/dpp/news/local_news/okla-house-of-representatives-passes-in-god-we-trust-to-senate
Beyond the whole separation of church and state thing, this sucks because our motto is AWESOME! labor omnia vincit is great. The new one sounds like it's somewhere in between a musical review and a 700 Club episode featuring Sarah Palin.
Quote from: jacobi on March 26, 2012, 10:46:25 PM
Beyond the whole separation of church and state thing, this sucks because our motto is AWESOME! labor omnia vincit is great. The new one sounds like it's somewhere in between a musical review and a 700 Club episode featuring Sarah Palin.
Nope. It has the word "labor" in it, which may imply a tacit acceptance of Labor Day and its substitution for the celebration of May Day, a labor festival held to honor working people in the rest of the world. But May Day is too closely associated with both labor unions and communists. Can't have that.
I think the state motto should be "Cheap and Cheerful" but that's only 'cause I like the phrase.
Quote from: Ed W on March 27, 2012, 06:15:22 AM
But May Day is too closely associated with both labor unions and communists. Can't have that.
That and it sounds too much like a distress call.
Quote from: Red Arrow on March 27, 2012, 06:38:09 AM
That and it sounds too much like a distress call.
If the shoe fits....
I like "The Orange Barrel State"
I think "where concrete rains" might be more apt.
Just like Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum, Oklahoma State Senator Ralph Shortey is a gift that keeps on giving:
Sen. Ralph Shortey said he refuses to get a concealed carry license because he objects to requiring a license to carry guns. He said he started carrying a gun with him in his truck after a turkey attacked him while he was on an oil and gas job.
"Wait until you get attacked by a turkey, you will know the fear that a turkey can evoke in a person," said Shortey, R-Oklahoma City. "So I beat it with a club. That's all I could do. I wish that I had a gun with me."
Read more: Durant Daily Democrat - Oklahoma Senate panel amends passes open carry bill
http://www.durantdemocrat.com/view/full_story/18057430/article-Oklahoma-Senate-panel-amends--passes-open-carry-bill?instance=popular (http://www.durantdemocrat.com/view/full_story/18057430/article-Oklahoma-Senate-panel-amends--passes-open-carry-bill?instance=popular)
Now I'm going to have dreams about roving gangs of turkeys, smoking cigarettes and stealing hubcaps. Oh the humanity!
Quote from: Gaspar on February 13, 2012, 11:16:32 AM
Don't forget hotel bedspreads.
Don't forget dirty tube socks.
Quote from: Ed W on March 30, 2012, 06:43:43 PM
"Wait until you get attacked by a turkey, you will know the fear that a turkey can evoke in a person,"
I believe geese can be quite formidable too.
For real, no joke.
Quote from: Red Arrow on March 30, 2012, 09:34:21 PM
I believe geese can be quite formidable too.
For real, no joke.
I can attest to this. Geese were in abundance outside my apartment, and they could get pretty darn rowdy at times.
Quote from: nathanm on March 30, 2012, 10:29:48 PM
I can attest to this. Geese were in abundance outside my apartment, and they could get pretty darn rowdy at times.
I have heard (no first hand info) that in some parts of Europe, geese are as formidable as guard dogs.
Quote from: TheMindWillNotLetGo on March 30, 2012, 11:30:07 PM
Don't forget a goose's neck.
Drunk story now (no I'm not currently, but it involves something that happened while drunk).
I knew a bunch of guys from out of town that were going to Spartan back in the late eighties through a good friend of mine who was also going to Spartan. At the time it seemed the popular place to live for those guys (before the apartments just south of the Spartan campus were built) was the Marina and Pelican's Wharf, both at 21st and Mingo/I-44.
Making a beer run, about four of us in a huge Ford LTD hit a goose. Driver got out (yes he was inebriated but the drive up and back was two friggin' blocks), grabbed the dead goose, took to his apartment and closed the door. That in and of itself should make for a weird story, but we opened the door, and he had plucked this goose bald. Blood and feathers all over the bathroom. I left after that. Not sure what eventually happened to the goose. I'm going to guess it wound up in the lake. I never asked and never went back to that guys apartment again.
Quote from: Hoss on March 30, 2012, 11:52:09 PM
Drunk story now (no I'm not currently, but it involves something that happened while drunk).
I knew a bunch of guys from out of town that were going to Spartan back in the late eighties through a good friend of mine who was also going to Spartan. At the time it seemed the popular place to live for those guys (before the apartments just south of the Spartan campus were built) was the Marina and Pelican's Wharf, both at 21st and Mingo/I-44.
Making a beer run, about four of us in a huge Ford LTD hit a goose. Driver got out (yes he was inebriated but the drive up and back was two friggin' blocks), grabbed the dead goose, took to his apartment and closed the door. That in and of itself should make for a weird story, but we opened the door, and he had plucked this goose bald. Blood and feathers all over the bathroom. I left after that. Not sure what eventually happened to the goose. I'm going to guess it wound up in the lake. I never asked and never went back to that guys apartment again.
1) was it "about" 4 of you, or not? :D
2) never leave before story is over.
Quote from: TheMindWillNotLetGo on March 31, 2012, 12:06:27 AM
1) was it "about" 4 of you, or not? :D
2) never leave before story is over.
1. Remember I said inebriation played a part in this. As clear as I can remember it was four. Remember once again, inebriation played a part in this.
2. I didn't want to see what happened next. I had already seen enough. Especially since the 'goose plucker' was praying to the porcelain deity in the same bathroom he 'cleaned' this bird.
Quote from: Hoss on March 31, 2012, 12:18:11 AM
2. I didn't want to see what happened next. I had already seen enough. Especially since the 'goose plucker' was praying to the porcelain deity in the same bathroom he 'cleaned' this bird.
sorry, I am still not seeing reasonable cause to leave the scene :D
;)
Quote from: Red Arrow on March 30, 2012, 10:44:21 PM
I have heard (no first hand info) that in some parts of Europe, geese are as formidable as guard dogs.
The place where I boarded my horse had a guard goose, who would loudly announce the arrival of visitors.
I thought the attack posture was kinda cute until the first time he got ahold of my inner thigh.
Each time I would come out there he made it a priority to hunt me down, and I was avoiding him diligently.
Then one day I was preoccupied with some electrical work, and he put on quite a show trying to get a response out of me.
He would honk and screech and parade back and forth in the doorway, and when it became apparent I wasnt giving him my attention, he slowly walked towards me as I was sitting on the floor, then sat at my side halfway leaning on me.
Each time I had to move he would be back, cuddling and giving me his neck to pet.
They think a coyote or some other predator got him later that week, which made our brief friendship all the more bittersweet.
Quote from: TheMindWillNotLetGo on March 31, 2012, 12:22:51 AM
sorry, I am still not seeing reasonable cause to leave the scene :D
;)
maybe not for you. I however had a female companion in tow, so....
Hoss if you remember Spartan had a lot of Arab students and from what I heard. The Marina started having a lot of their Ducks and Geese coming up missing. It was found out the Arab students were killing and eating them. The managment had to get them to move.
Quote from: DolfanBob on April 02, 2012, 10:01:19 AM
Hoss if you remember Spartan had a lot of Arab students and from what I heard. The Marina started having a lot of their Ducks and Geese coming up missing. It was found out the Arab students were killing and eating them. The managment had to get them to move.
Must have been after 1990 or so, because I didn't know of that many attending at that point. Just a bunch of GOBs from different parts of the country. It was one big party apartment complexes (Marina and Pelican's Wharf). I've got even more stories but not enough time to tell all of them. One involved a drunk friend using a skeet thrower to hurl an unfortunate animal into the Marina lake from his back patio.
I need to be partying with you ;D
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