Today is former Tulsa Roughnecks midfielder/forward Billy Caskey's birthday......
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Caskeyhttp://sporting-heroes.net/football-heroes/displayhero_club.asp?HeroID=36551http://nifootball.blogspot.com/2006/08/billy-caskey.htmlA guy named Mike S. from the other side of the turnpike wrote this below about some american goalkeeper a few years back.... if Mike had met Caskey or saw him play, he woulda wrote this about Billy....AN OLD ONE
by Mike Segroves
Any of you guys know Billy Caskey!
Billy Caskey is an S-O-B!
Billy Caskey is the father of every kid in this town!
Billy Caskey once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
One time I was with Caskey in the back of a pickup
truck, along with a live deer. Billy goes up to the
deer and says, 'I'm Billy Caskey! SAY IT!' Then he
manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make
it say, 'billycaskey ' ... It wasn't exactly like it,
but it was pretty good for a deer!
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.
He sheds his skin once a year.
He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.
He sheds his skin once a year.
He sweats Gatorade.
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! ...And he hated irony!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson.
He sleeps eight hours a night! ... well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.
Billy Caskey is a two-ton man-mountain who could bicycle kick a medicine ball!
Did I ever tell you about the time Caskey took me out
to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a
bar and we can't find one. Finally Billy takes me to a
vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a
year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a
bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot,
drank it, and then burned the place to the ground.
Caskey yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always
leave things the way you found em!
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was
coming up the road.
They once found $60 in change in his stomach.
He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie.
He grew a 3rd leg and kept it in a vault.
He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to
scold a child.
Caskey drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs.
Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he
rubbed his eyes and said, “All in all, I prefer gin.”
They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Caskey talk in his sleep.
He date raped David Bowie.
He once inhaled a seagull.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
It was the sight of Caskey's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
He sired a soccer team.. an orchestra if you count the
bastards!
You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a
syringe!
Billy Caskey was a monster who slept with all our wives, and punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!
His first name is Billy!!! ... I'm drunk.
He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith &
Wesson.
Did I ever tell you about the time Caskey went
hunting? Billy decides he's going to hunt down all
four of the Mötley Crüe. He stalks and kills every one
of them with a machette. They all begged for their
lives...except for Vince Neil.
We once had a bachelor party for Caskey. He ate the
entire cake before we could tell him there was a
stripper in it.
Billy Caskey once hosted the Grammys and gave every
award to Corey Hart.
Caskey's family crest is a picture of a baracudda
eating Neil Armstrong.
Did I ever tell you about the time Billy Caskey was in
a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night,
Billy chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them
in front of the audience for two hours. The production
got pretty good reviews.
He breastfeeds John Madden.
Caskey named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to
be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Caskey's nipple, it
plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'
All the 'Yes' album covers are Caskey family photos.
Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son
how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy
500. The kid wrecked and died. Caskey said it would've
happened sometime.
Caskey thinks that the Ironman Triathlon is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
Caskey was the heart and soul of the Tulsa Roughnecks,
who won the last NASL Soccer Bowl in Vancouver in 1983...
